Barbarian Boyfriend

Romance comes in all shapes and sizes, pretty much the same as every human. For you, after a couple of years of being in the single category, finding the man in your life that you think you can be happy with, is the culmination of years of searching and categorising.

But now that the serious aspect of the relationship needs to be considered, you are having second thoughts and looking at this man in your life in a different light. You’ve always felt something was off about your boyfriend, but you could never put your finger on it. Then, he got you interested in ‘The Game of Thrones’ and ‘Vikings,’ so after watching a few episodes of these shows, the realisation hit you that it was possible you were dating a barbarian.

Your boyfriend is a throwback to the 5th century AD, and a descendant of Attila the Hun, the spectacularly sexy, well-muscled, murderously brutal barbarian who led an army of like-minded warriors and bedded maidens and queens alike. All the signs are there.

  1. He promises extravagant gifts…
  2. But they are not exactly as you imagined.
  3. You fell in love with him at first sight
  4. He rarely eats using a knife, fork or spoon; it’s always with his hands
  5. He chews with his mouth open
  6. He’s very good with his hands
  7. Reads books? Never.
  8. He never showers
  9. His conversation is a series of grunts and curses
  10. He can be a drama queen
  11. More often than not he walks around naked and needs to be reminded to get a haircut
  12. There were a couple of fights at his brother’s wedding which he considered to be a boring evening
  13. There are times you want to stab him in the eye while he sleeps next to you
  14. He fills every waking moment and also your dreams

So there you have it. The problem is not that you think your lover is a barbarian, it’s that even with that knowledge behind you, there is no chance you want to give him up. He’s never threatened you. In fact, at times he has been positively romantic, in a rough sort of way.

The best thing you can do is to carry out a quick check of his ancestry and if there is a bit of Hun in his genes, go the library and find out as much as you can about these type of people and at makes them tick. Your research might lead you to your own personal nirvana. Or something else.